It’s actually super special.

I’m giving away one of these…

I’ve cried my eyes out. I’ve cried them out when they were already out. And then… I cried them out in Target.

I’ve had moments where I thought I was over it all. A weird dull sense of reality I guess only to cry my eyes out the next day.

I’ve been able to read some wonderful posts of friends across the nation celebrating their growing new pregnancies and been excited for them.

I’ve been able to read some of those same posts and just cry and cry and cry.

I’m an emotional person as it is but obviously a little extra emotional and with good reason.

I say little prayers for those who are celebrating new life.

Little because of what’s going on in my body. If I dwell on their new one too long, the grief starts to take over my body and I can’t handle it physically.

They are happy prayers though.

Blessings and comfort for those who have fear.

Peace and calmness.

Love.

I’m in a weird place right now, physically. They say the pregnancy hormones can stay with you for months. They also say they can be gone within a week.

I stopped bleeding after a week and started to feel somewhat normal. It’s hard to remember what normal actually was.

But lately there’s been odd goings on. Cramping. Lower back pain with popping. Sometimes my hair stays in, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes I have heartburn. I never have heartburn when I’m “normal.” Morning – afternoon – evening sickness. The cramping is what I hate the most though. Mainly because it plays mind games.

And then there was the pregnancy test I took last night. Yup. I did. I had to. I needed to see negative so that I knew my body was going back to normal. So I could start working out again. So I could drink 5 Diet Cokes in 1 day if I really wanted them. Better them than rum!

But it wasn’t negative. It was positive.

I’ve spent about 4-6 hours a day for the last 2.5 weeks on google, googling everything. Every little symptom. How long to wait to workout. How long these cramps last. Is it possible to even get pregnant this soon after?

I know that google isn’t the most reliable source in the world but the dr. told me nothing. N-o-t-h-i-n-g. Nothing other than “hopefully we’ll see you in a couple months with better news.” Yup. That was it. No information about when the bleeding should stop, when the hormones will go away, when to try again, what to do, what not to do.

I didn’t sleep at all last night. My mind was racing. Not on the pregnancy test, but on everything and nothing else at the same time. Which, it turns out, has actually worked in my favor. I don’t have enough energy to dwell on that test. To think about it. To worry about it.

I don’t go to my normal dr. until the 17th. Yup, that’s the earliest she could see me. (By the way, she was out the day I went in.) I’d try to find a new dr. but the other dr’s around here… because I’d be a “new patient” they prefer I see my regular dr. who knows my history better. It’s a rather frustrating thing to deal with in a time like this.

So now I’m waiting. Waiting to see if I start my cycle before then. Waiting to take another pregnancy test next week this time probably not a digital one. Waiting for any sign of normalcy or pregnancy.

But while I wait, could you please pray for me. Physically. Emotionally. It’s a rough thing to have to deal with an to have to keep dealing with. I appreciate it. It gives me strength. It helps me when those rough “crying my eyes out” waves come. Thank you! Seriously, thank you and thank you again!

Like the need to move your office, the same one you just spent 3 years making exactly how you wanted it to be.

Or like how you’ve decided that straightening your hair e.v.e.r.y. single day is no longer good enough so you use your straightener to curl, yes curl your hair.

And then there’s the need to mix one of those little bottles of dr. pepper with that half gone diet coke.

Because every now and then, your brain needs the shake up. It needs to be reminded that every day is different. No two are the same. And that fact in itself is the reason to get yourself out of bed each and every day.

And yup, the back of my head looks way different than I imagined it did. I thought my beanie was longer and pouffier. Oh well. Still my fav hat. I think ;)

]]> http://sandandstarfish.com/office/cest-moi/feed/ 3 http://sandandstarfish.com/tutorials-2/rolled-fabric-bowl/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=rolled-fabric-bowl http://sandandstarfish.com/tutorials-2/rolled-fabric-bowl/#comments Thu, 26 Jan 2012 13:00:05 +0000 stephanie http://sandandstarfish.com/?p=6294 (Read More)]]> I know this will come as a shocker to some of you but I was actually getting a little bored spray painting baskets to use in my office. I love spray paint. I love that it can turn something hideous into something marvelous. But seriously, there are only so many baskets in the world that can be spray painted a shade of aqua before it starts to get tedious. So I made something a little brighter and a little more “me” and includes no spray paint!!

Super easy to make. And yes, I’ll show & tell you how!!

Things you need:

fabric scraps, rope, glue gun, bowl/basket

1. Sew all your scraps together into one super long continuous strand.

2. Dab a little bit of hot glue on the end of your scrap strand and press the end to the rope diagonally. Wrap and wrap and wrap around the rope until there’s no more scrappy strand. At the end, cut of the remaining rope and just dab another little bit of glue to the end of your scrappy strand and fold the ends over. Or squish. Whatever you prefer.

3. Now it’s time to make your bowl. Dab a little bit of glue on the end of your scrappy rope and coil it. You don’t want to do a lot at one time because you’re going to be dabbing lots of glue about every inch or so to help it stay together nice and tight.

4. Keep coiling and dabbing until you get to the same size as the bottom of your bowl/basket.

5. Once you’ve reach this size, carefully coil and dab at a slight angle one or two times around. This will start to shape the sides of your bowl.

6. Once you’ve coiled once or twice around the bottom, turn it over and press down nice and firmly. Now you just coil and dab and coil and dab until you reach the end of your rope.

7. When you’ve reached the end, just dab a nice bit of glue and press. That’s it!

Now I understand that some of you don’t have fabric scraps or a sewing machine… I made a different bowl using pretty much the same technique, but instead of the fabric scraps, I just bought some rope and made a bowl. And I love it just as much :)

But then I look at this kiddo. She melts my heart. She brings tears to my eyes, the good kind. She is just so beautiful. So creative. Her imagination runs wild. And I love her.

She’s my sunshine on these cloudy days
accompanied by the song Mighty to Save by Hillsong.
It brings tears to my eyes when I listen to it. No matter where I am, excited/gloomy/angry, this song meets me exactly where I need it to and does wonders to my soul. Every.Single.Time.